During my brief summer sabbatical, I entertained several of my childhood friends for nightly card games. My childhood friends—which my parents claimed to be imaginary—had, like me, grown up and were interested in more adult problems rather than scaring the neighbors, or kids’ games such as Hide and Boo or Murder in the Graveyard.
During a rather rowdy game of strip poker, at which I’m at a complete disadvantage. I mean when you’re playing with a werewolf, an ET, a ghost, a zombie, and a shapeshifter, and you lose a hand, you really do lose a hand.
Lucky for me that night they were more interested in finding mates. The discussion evolved into the best pick-up lines at bars (or grocery stores) to entice an attractive individual into spending the evening with them.
Monsters Aren’t Picky
I say individuals because my group of monster friends is not picky. They really don’t have a preference as far as sexual orientation. Except for Cimarron, the werewolf, and Oozy, the zombie, they like their individuals with some meat on them. Chunky style, they call it. Their words. Not mine.
We took a vote on the best pick-up lines. Grey, the ET, definitely had the most imaginative. I asked if I could share the pick-up lines on my blog (because they’re funny). They agreed with one stipulation.
Best ET Pick-Up lines
These are the lines Grey considers his best when it comes to picking up someone at a bar (or grocery store) when he’s on Earth from out of town.
- Let me take you to the stars.
- I’m out of this world. Trust me.
- I’ve been told my body is snatching.
- I promise not to ask too many probing questions.
- Want to see my lights.
- I can beam you up and I’m not even Scotty.
- I’ll be gentle. You won’t even know I was there.
- I can show you a whole new world.
- Can I fly you to the moon and back?
- I will give you a lot of space if you need it.
- I know how to leave a lasting impression you won’t even remember.
- I’d love to get into your genes and mix things up.
- I promise you close encounters.
Grey’s Recent Lyrical History
Grey and I met late one night. I couldn’t sleep so I was doing my rendition of Rapture by Blondie as loudly as I could when Grey beamed into my bedroom. He claimed he was Blondie’s inspiration for one of the “finest and first” rap songs ever recorded (his words). He started singing along and to my surprise, he knew the words.
You know the words, don’t you?
And you don’t stop, sure shot
Go out to the parking lot
And you get in your car and drive real far
And you drive all night and then you see a light
And it comes right down and lands on the ground
And out comes a man from Mars
And you try to run but he’s got a gun
And he shoots you dead and he eats your head
And then you’re in the man from Mars
You go out at night eatin’ cars
You eat Cadillacs, Lincolns too
Mercurys and Subarus
And you don’t stop, you keep on eatin’ cars
Then when there’s no more cars
You go out at night and eat up bars
Where the people meet
Face to face, dance cheek to cheek…
(Rapture, by Blondie, 1980, Autoamerican album)
He told me he knew Blondie. Hmmmm. Maybe. From reading the lyrics, you can see why he credits himself with being her inspiration. He also said he is the reason Katy Perry wrote her song, E.T. I included the YouTube of her video. If you haven’t seen it, it is breathtaking.
Grey claims he makes a cameo appearance in the video. It’s just a brief snap of a grey, but it does look like him. It’s hard for me to tell. And it may be bad for me to confess, but they all do look alike to me. (Of course, he also claims they named the hot dude in Fifty Shades after him.)
I can’t always believe everything my monsters tell me. So, even if you have viewed Katy Perry’s E.T. video, please watch it again and look for the grey. I need your opinion. Do you think it could be him?
The One Stipulation
The monsters agreed to allow me to share their pick-up lines with my readers. The stipulation being, if you can think of other pick-up lines for them, please enter them in a comment below or put them on my Facebook page or Twitter feed.
They follow my social media closely, because they believe they were my true role models during my youth. They say they’re dying for some new material. So come on, share in the fun and help out a fellow monster. Next blog will be the shapeshifter’s pick-up lines. Can you think of any surefire pick-up lines for my shapeshifter? He can be a he or a she.